Orihime in Hueco Mundia, a Bleach fairy tale
by MorganBanner
Summary: Princess Orihime is princess-napped by the evil Lord Aizen! She needs the bigheaded Ichigo the Strawberry to save her from the insane Arrancars of Hueco Mundia!  Crack Level:  High


This is what happens when I'm suddenly asked to tell a story involving a princess off the top of my very achey head. Total crack. This is very random, and probably doesn't make a single lick of sense. If it does to you, then you should be given a Nobel Prize.

Oh, and if you've read my other story, and are wondering why the heck I haven't updated recently, blame FF. For some reason, I keep getting an error message whenever I try to go in an edit the story and update a chapter. I have the next one all ready! If anyone knows what to do about this problem, please let me know. I've already contacted FF about this.

Anyway...

**IF YOU SERIOUSLY THINK THAT I OWN ANYTHING IN HERE, THEN YOU MOST LIKELY HAVE NOT READ BLEACH. THAT, AND YOU NEED TO GO DUNK YOUR HEAD IN COLD WATER.**

Really, I shouldn't have to say that. Obviously I'm not Tite Kubo, and I highly doubt Bleach will be on eBay anytime soon...

* * *

There once was a beautiful princess named Orihime. She ruled over a great land called Karakuria full of wonderful people who loved her, for she was as kind as she was beautiful. The only flaw with the princess was her odd taste in food. It was not uncommon for the royal kitchens to cook up horrendous mixtures full of food items like red bean paste, tapioca pudding, and ground onions. Needless to say, the kitchens had to constantly replace their cooking tools, as they were often vaporized in the radioactive mixtures.

Anyway, one evil day an evil man named Aizen sent one of his underlings to go capture the princess. Aizen ruled over a dark land called Hueco Mundia and was jealous of the prosperity of the neighbouring Karakuria. That, and he was also bored out of his handsomely (*coughcoughcreepy*) mulleted head. So Aizen decided to capture Orihime just to stir things up a little bit.

Aizen's underling, Ulquiorra, quickly captured the princess and brought her to Hueco Mundia. He wanted to get back to his emo corner and had no time to delay. After shoving the princess into her chambers, Ulquiorra ran back to his room and emo-fied himself. Being around the bubbly princess had actually made him _feel_ things, and Ulquiorra couldn't have that. He had an image to uphold!

Unfortunately, Aizen ordered Ulquiorra to care for the princess. If Ulquiorra wasn't so emo, he would have thrown Aizen out of Hueco Mundia by his mulleted head. But of course, Ulquiorra was too emo for that, because that would require emotions and feeling things. So Ulquiorra did all his chores concerning the princess as fast as he could so he could go back to his emo-corner and emo-fy himself.

Back in Karakuria, a new hero had appeared. His name was Ichigo the Strawberry. He had heard that the beautiful princess of Karakuria had been kidnapped, so he decided to go rescue her. Everyone knew that rescuing a princess meant tons of fame and fortune, and Ichigo had a hero-complex the size of Russia. Oh, and it would be a good thing to do, of course. But let's focus on the important stuff.

Soon Ichigo the Strawberry appeared in Hueco Mundia, wielding his Toothpick of Doom. Aizen, after brushing his mullet and popping the popcorn, sent out his army to go and battle Ichigo.

Ichigo's first opponent was a guy named…something… Oh well, his name doesn't really matter. But he did have an interesting Mustachio. Ichigo beat him easily. In fact, Guy-With-No-Name-And-An-Awesome-Mustachio ran screaming in the opposite direction when Ichigo pointed his Toothpick of Doom at him.

The next opponent was Spoonhead…er…Nnoitra. Same difference. Spoonhead Nnoitra liked to fight, almost as much as he liked spoons. Unfortunately, Ichigo the Strawberry knew of Spoonhead's weakness and had prepared. He took a rare and valuable spoon that was the last thing Spoonhead Nnoitra needed to complete his spoon collection…and chucked it. Spoonhead immediately ran off to go find the spoon, forgetting all about fighting Ichigo.

The Strawberry's third opponent was Catwoman…er, Catman…er…Grimmjow. Catwoman/Catman/Grimmjow was easy to defeat. Ichigo simply threw a bag of catnip in Catwoman's face and ran the opposite direction. Catwoman/Catman/Grimmjow self-destructed from catnip overdose, taking out three-fourths of Aizen's army in the process.

Aizen was not happy that Ichigo was defeating his men so easily. Aizen wanted to see a little more blood before they were killed. His mullet was not happy with the lack of blood.

Ichigo's final opponent was Ulquiorra, who had been dragged from his emo-corner to face Ichigo. Aizen was confident that at least one of the two combatants would spill their guts before dying.

FYI, Aizen was a Spartan/Roman while he was alive. In case you couldn't tell. (It might explain the mullet…nah, not really. I'm just trying to come up with an explanation for why Aizen is such a creep. And a stalker. Seriously, when he claimed that he had orchestrated Ichigo's entire life, all I thought was OMG HE'S A FREAKING PEDOPHILE STALKER. Okay, now I'm just wasting space.)

Ichigo tried waving his Toothpick of Doom at Ulquiorra to scare him off, but Ulquiorra was too emo to run away. Then Ichigo released his Toothpick of Doom, and it turned into…

…

…

…

…

**THE GIANT TOOTHPICK OF DOOM**

Oh yeah, betcha didn't see _that_ coming.

Unfortunately, Ulquiorra also had a weapon. And it was…

…

...

...

...

...oi, what are you doing?

...

...stalker...

...why are you still here?

Oh, that's right…I'm telling a story…whoops…

**A GIANT TOOTHPICK OF DOOM **too!

Ichigo nearly fainted. His awesomeness was being stolen by this emo who probably has as many fangirls as he does! And fanguys as well!

But there is only enough room in this story for one insanely powerful idiot wielding a Toothpick, so after a long, hard, dramatic battle involving a lot of melodramatic lines and the releasing of sudden secret-until-I-suddenly-had-a-whim-to-have-this-power-because-I-want-to-drag-this-battle-out-for-as-long-as-possible-and-still-satisfy-my-insane-fangirls/guys powers, Ichigo won.

The Strawberry quickly ran up to the tower that held the Princess Orihime, already working on his speech of acceptance when the princess endowed him with many riches and much fame.

He was very disappointed to find an empty room and a note that said:

"Hi Iccigo the Strabery!

I, Lord Aizen of Hueco Mundia and future Ruler of the Whole Freaking Universe and owner of the Most Handsome Mullet, hav uzed my unlimid stor of powr and abilitys that makes me and my mullet totally invicbl, to take the pincess away. Don't try 2 find uz, bcause u wont find uz.

Love,

**Lord Aizen of Hueco Mundia and future Ruler of the Whole Freaking Universe and Owner of the Most Handsome Mullet**"

Ichigo, with his limited intelligence (how else can he manage to be so badass?) and the horrible state of spelling the note was in, could only understand that Aizen was Lord of Hueco Mundia, future ruler of the whole freaking universe, owner of an apparently very handsome mullet, and a creepy pedophile. He figured that it was trying to tell him that Orihime was gone.

Well, Ichigo wasn't about to go back empty-handed.

The kingdom of Karakuria threw a grand celebration of epic proportions to welcome back the princess and her saviour. If the princess acted and looked very different, they simply shrugged it off as a side-effect of the horrible treatment she no-doubt received in Hueco Mundia. Ichigo the Strawberry basked in his newfound fame and fortune, and never told anyone that the princess he had brought back was actually some random Arrancar he had found in Aizen's castle.

He had also neglected to mention that the pink-haired 'princess' was actually a guy.

Oh well, it's not like anyone really cared.

* * *

Hope it gave you a giggle. There was really no point to that other than to kill thirty minutes. I won't even ask you to review such a pointless piece of writing.

I can feel my brain cells dying from writing such a cheesy and overdone storyline.


End file.
